Discreet dating sites are a valuable tool for having an affair. These sites help you find affair partners, manage affairs, and keep it all a secret. Unlike Tinder, you don't have to worry about your spouse's friend stumbling across your profile and raising hell.
7 Affair Sites Reviewed
I've tested 7 different affair sites and what follows are my reviews of each site. Enjoy!
My # of Encounters
Adult Friend Finder
This is the biggest site dedicated to affair dating. The site has messaging, chat, and voice calling built in. So you can escalate through each as you connect with someone before meeting in person.
If you're on Ashley Madison you are expected to keep a secret. This gives it an "in-on-it" vibe, where everyone can already relate to each other. I think this feeling of 'togetherness' helps make discreet dating sites work better than generic dating sites.
My Experience - I've met six women from Ashley Madison. Four of them turned into sexual partners, and 1 was one of the most intense affairs of my life, Stephanie.
Steph was 39, married to a lawyer who was never home, and lived in a big house with a pool. I messaged her first, we talked about Game of Thrones, and she invited me over to watch the season premiere on her TV. We had a few drinks, one thing led to another and after a scene where John Snow took off his pants she took off mine. We had sex in her hot-tub AND on the balcony. It felt great having sex in that big house and feeling like it was all mine. We still see each other about once a month, and haven't been caught yet. She's made it clear that her husband is also having affairs, so she has no guilt about ours.
The thing I like about Ashley Madison is the sense of community. Everyone 'gets it' and doesn't judge you for wanting to have an affair. When it comes to discreet dating, it's the best site I've found.
Victoria Milan isn't quite as old as the famous Ashley Madison, but their customer service has helped bring in a lot of new members.
They have features like chatting, voice calling, and messaging. You can see how close someone lives to you in miles (or KM) so you know if they will be easy to find. They have different filters that let you select if they want something committed or if they are looking for a quick and discreet fling. This is also a great site if you are over 40 and looking for affairs, they have a classy vibe that attracts older and more responsible men and women with established careers.
The only reason AdultFriendFinder dosen't make the top of my list is that it isn't specifically for extramarital affairs. This site has the most users of any hookup site, so you can find a lot of people looking for sex near you. It has chatting, voice calling, sex courses, video calling, and forums. It's a great community for swingers and all things no strings attached dating.
Since it is a general dating site, and not an affair only site, you should be more careful with your identity. Try wearing a mask in your photo or not showing your entire face, you can also use a fake name. Anything to avoid being identified by friends, family, or acquaintances that might be on the site.
Webcams are a great way to safely scope people out, or get hesitant people to see you are trustworthy. The site’s forums and blogs are another way to see how active people are, what they like to talk about, and gauge their personality.
This is an affair site aimed at women, and even boasts a team of all women staff. It was created in France and is one of the newest affair sites there is. The French vibe is very obvious on the app and 30% of the women using it are in France.
I haven't had much luck yet with gleeden, the women there are very picky. They get to use the app for free, while guys have to pay. They also get to choose whether or not they want to respond to you, kind of like how bumble works. If you are a classy woman looking for an elegant affair this is probably the best choice for you.
Another thing I didn't like about this app is that people can leave ratings and comments on your profile. I don't really like being 'reviewed', especially since someone who is a bad match for me might put off someone who is a good match by leaving a bad review.
Heated affairs is a site I tried, but didn't get as good results with. It has less users, and when I do find someone I like -- they weren't active anymore. After a lot of trying I eventually met a woman named 'Cat' who wasn't the most attractive, but I decided to go for it anyways. We met at a bar in DinkyTown and after 40 minutes of chatting I learned that she had been fighting with her husband lately because he had a problem with her weight gain. We continued meeting but it fizzled out and I stopped hearing from her. After this, I stick with Ashley Madison and AFF, which has more people to choose from.
Nothing is better than free, especially when the free service lets you find a passionate affair that will create priceless memories.
For the longest time craigslist personals was by far the best place to find any kind of casual encounters for free. But recently it was taken down because of an anti-sex-trafficking law.
As soon as craigslist was taken down this popped up. It lets you search for discreet hookups in your city. If you live in a populous area, it is a good way to find people for free. The amount of users is still small though because it is pretty new, but there has been a big flood of people lately coming in from craigslist.
If you are having an affair it can be easy to feel isolated and like people don't understand you. That's why i love the adultery subreddit site which is a forum with 20,000 members. The members range from curious in getting started to having dozens of affairs for years.
You can participate in discussions about common issues, like how to meet up. You can ask questions, share helpful links, and join kik groups.
The kik group is a great way to meet people for free that are part of the married cheating community. It is a hundred people and growing, you may be lucky enough to find someone on there in your city. But if you form a connection with someone you might have to fly to meet them which can be a lot more expensive and far from 'free'.
Other subreddits to try are Redditor-4-Redditor, or /r4r. Just try googling *your city name* +r4r. So if you live in San Francisco you would type "San Francisco r4r" into google. This will show you people that live near you and are looking to find hookups and sometimes looking to cheat. You can also post an ad saying that you are looking for something discreet.
Maintaining an affair can be a lot of work, but I have you covered. Check out my other guides to having, finding and maintaining an affair. As well as site reviews, app reviews, and erotic stories of real life affairs.
Is bigger better? When it comes to information, I think so.
In my how to have an affair guide I list out every tip tactic and trick for keeping your discreet relationship hidden from your spouse. This post is over 3000 words long and took weeks to write (I'm quite proud of it).
One of the trickiest things in an affair is coordinating when to meet up and where. I've found a good time is in the morning or afternoon, then I use grocery shopping, or an early work day as cover. One of the most suspicious times to hookup with your AP is during the night, the "I had to work late" excuse can only work so many times.
Sadly, after the FOSTA and SESTA bills were passed in April 2018 Craigslist personals was taken down. If the law is appealed there is a chance that Craigslist personals may return some day, but until then we have to use alternatives to find affairs and casual encounters.
I've listed some of my favorite craigslist personals alternatives on a separate post. Most of these are great places to find the same type of cheater relationships and cougars you found on craigslist
It's not all bad though, the main downside of Craigslist was that you got a lot of people emailing you with spam offers. I had to keep a private email just for personals which was kind of a pet peeve. It took a lot more work to find something, but hey at least it was the best free affair site.
Backpage was another site that disappeared along with craigslist. We have made a list of sites that are similar to backpage that will work as substitutes. These sites are pretty similar to craigslist but a bit more risque, like how backpage.com. You can use them to find kinky affairs and swinger clubs. You probably won't find a rich woman on this site though, it is more for people who are looking for sex.
While many of the sites we listed also have an app (Victoria Milan, Ashley Madison, Gleeden) there are tons of services that are app only.
View our guide to the best affair apps to find what we've tested so far. There are some apps like CasualX that are dedicated to finding local hookups, similar to how craigslist personals would have worked.
You can also use Tinder and hide your face, only showing your body. That way if anyone who knows you are in a committed thing stumbles across your profile they won't call you out as being a cheater.
You would be surprised how many people have their first affair with an in law. Most commonly it is with a sister-in-law, but it can also be with a brother-in-law or mother-in-law.
In my sister-in-law affair post i round up some common stories from around the web of people who managed to pull off affairs with their sister in law. This is no easy task and one of the most challenging extramarital affairs to have. But when you gotta have it you gotta have it. Sometimes the allure of a challenge makes it one of the most rewarding affairs you could ever have.
Sometimes you meet the woman of your dreams, but she is already married, or about to be. You might already have some connection which just makes you want her more.
Luckily most married women aren't too happy in their relationship if they are flirting with you. Once you learn how to seduce a married woman you can get her to cheat on her husband and fall for you.
This is difficult to do if she is newly married, say, less than 1 year. But if she has been married longer than 5 years, especially if she is young, she will have fallen out of lust with her husband and is looking for a new man. It's not natural for people to have sex with the same person longer than 5 years. Young women who got married especially will feel like they are missing out when they see their girlfriends having passionate sex and going on fun dates.